baby’s first blog
Blake attends the Fremont Solstice Parade, a local summer tradition that features many things he’s not old enough to appreciate. Like a wickedly awesome float that looks like a giant scorpion, piloted by scorpion-helmeted shock troopers.
Notably absent is the annual guest of honor: the Sun.
Blake appears to be sleeping, but really he’s just modestly averting his eyes from the topless women and the scantily-clad dancers.
Blake loses his first appendage: his umbilical cord stump. He’s happy about it, if somewhat camera shy, but perhaps the shock simply hasn’t set in yet.
Doctors tell us that Blake may experience phantom cord syndrome, though the symptoms should abate in time.
After downing first and second breakfast, Blake gets an attack of the munchies. We’ll see if Denny’s can tide him over until elevensies.
The waitress treats Blake like a prince, though she loses a point for not offering him a children’s menu.
I feel pretty conflicted about this footage. On the one hand, it’s my solemn duty as a parent to protect Blake from terrorists. On the other, if I can’t document their crimes against our children, then the terrorists have already won.
Other traumatic experiences that cause newborns to lose consciousness include circumcision, extreme hunger or cold, and listening to a Beatles song.
The teacher busts Blake for falling asleep at his desk. But cut him some slack – he’s only been in school for two weeks. You’ve spent more time than that on strike this year, dude.
This clip features an Alice Cooper soundtrack in honor of Aunt Laura, who by all accounts is a huge metal fan.