baby’s first blog
I feel pretty conflicted about this footage. On the one hand, it’s my solemn duty as a parent to protect Blake from terrorists. On the other, if I can’t document their crimes against our children, then the terrorists have already won.
Other traumatic experiences that cause newborns to lose consciousness include circumcision, extreme hunger or cold, and listening to a Beatles song.
The latest medical report comes in, and the news is good. Very good. Blake put on eighteen (or nineteen) ounces in a week’s time, making him the fastest growing baby ever. There’s some dispute over whether the last ounce should count, given that shortly after the trip to the scales, Blake ejected approximately one fluid ounce of milk on my sweater and pants.
I wish people got this excited when I put on weight. Because one pound in a week is laughable, son.
Blake comports himself like a trooper during his blood draw. No crying, no screaming, no fuss. At least for the first minute, until I pass out and the medics arrive with the crash cart. My memory gets a bit fuzzy after that.
Despite being new here, as his undershirt proclaims, Blake knows the rules when it comes to getting ready for his pediatric checkup. No shirt? No shoes? No problem. No pants, though? Big problem. Fortunately for us, one of his eight newborn instincts involves obeying the dress code.
Note the waist-high, "old man" style of wearing pants. Fashion statement or medical necessity? You decide.
Blake’s all dressed up and ready to settle in for the evening. Before he drifts off to eight hours of peaceful, uninterrupted slumber, Mom and Dad step in to capture his thoughts on film.
Very happy, very cute… very close to the edge of the bed! We’ll have to work on that.
As we leave the hospital, Blake makes that mewling sound that I’ve come to recognize as his request for the car keys. Instead I place him in the clutches of his hated nemesis, Mr. Car Seat, who quickly subdues him with a sleeper hold. Luckily, Mom is there to comfort our fallen hero.
Will her bold plan to dominate young Blake through his feeding schedule succeed? Or will he wind up calling the shots? Stay tuned!
